The Night Watches

Where do you go when you feel entirely overwhelmed by the day? What do you do when the waves of emotion begin to overtake you and next steps feel just out of grasp? When there is just too much going on both in and around you?  Wednesday was one of those days for me. I had worked a long 8 hour day, filled with zoom meetings, phone calls, emails and management burdens that are often difficult to lay down at the end of the work day. The dinner hour was fast approaching. I definitely hadn't come up with a plan for dinner that night, and was rummaging through the fridge and then desperately rummaging through the freezer with the hopes that I had planned ahead at some previous point in my week. Alas, no dice. Breakfast for dinner it is.  Phone calls coming in from work, kids getting off the afternoon bus overflowing with a myriad of emotions all charged with the relief of having held it together all day. All to be greeted by an excited golden retriever who pees on the floor anytime someo

What is it about fame that drives us to do absolutely ridiculous, dangerous, absurd things? There is this drive to be seen, to be affirmed. We all have it. It's both silent and roaring within us.  I took a tour of an instagram account documenting influencers in the wild as they were creating their posts. These posts, the ones with thousands of likes, the ones that earn the coveted blue check mark, garnish reposts and the regular folk trying to recreate them. These are the posts that you will stumble upon while looking at your feed, the ones boomeranging in the middle of the posts by people you actually chose to follow.  These interruptions of the scheduled programming you have chosen to subscribe yourself to, thrust themselves into your line of sight, demanding to be watched. Dance moves, clothing try-ons, make-up tutorials, house DIY, sports clips, funny memes. It is an endless supply of distraction. I have clicked on many of them, taken on a ride into the world created there. It

I often wonder if blogs are a thing of the past. In a world that is filled with voices, noise, distractions, and confusion- all of them constantly clamoring for our attention, the impression I get is this: no, no one actually wants to listen to another voice, no one has time to read a blog, and my words would fall flat in the midst of so much spectacle. It has been 5 years since I have logged into this account, dusted off the keys, and used my words to speak into the lives of anyone else, especially in this format. An enormous amount of life, sorrow and suffering has transpired in those years, and it feels silly to try to resurrect something so old, on a medium now antiquated. Pages and pages of journals have replaced this digital format. Tears spilled onto pages instead of keys. Less curated and impressive, those pages hold heart ache, prayers and sorrow. They also hold the truth of eternal value, heart transformations, and stories of hope. Is it time to revisit the notion of a blog,

friends, read to the end... I promise it is going to be worth it! And don't skip ahead....  Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking.” “I will not let you go,” Jacob replied, “unless you bless me.” ...Then he blessed Jacob there. — Gen 32:26,29 NET Jacob got the victory and the blessing not by wrestling, but by clinging. His limb was out of joint and he could struggle no longer, but he would not let go. Unable to wrestle, he wound his arms around the neck of his mysterious antagonist and hung all his helpless weight upon him, until at last he conquered. We will not get victory in prayer until we too cease our struggling, giving up our own will and throw our arms about our Father’s neck in clinging faith. What can puny human strength take by force out of the hand of Omnipotence? Can we wrest blessing by force from God? It is never the violence of willfulness that prevails with God. It is the might of clinging faith, that gets the blessing and the victories. I

From Streams in the Desert: The land which I do give them, even the children of Israel ( Joshua 1:2 ). God is speaking about something immediate in this verse. It is not something He is going to do, but something He does do, in this very moment. So faith ever speaks. So God ever gives. He meets you today, in the present moment. This is the test of faith. So long as you are waiting for a thing, hoping for it, looking for it, you are not believing . It may be hope, it may be earnest desire, but it is not faith; for "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." The command in regard to believing prayer is the present tense. "When ye pray, believe that ye receive the things that ye desire, and ye shall have them." Have we come to that moment? Have we met God in His everlasting NOW? --Joshua, by Simpson True faith counts on God, and believes before it sees. Naturally, we want some evidence that our petition is granted before

I've recently been pondering what the divine purpose to the Lord's plan to withhold another baby in our family might be. While I know the scriptures tell me over and over how unlike God I am, how His thoughts are not my thoughts, and how high and lifted up His ways are, I have still found myself eager to see deeper into his purpose for this time in my life. If I am to be tested I want to grow. I do not want to remain stagnant in this life.  I can think of many many reasons for this "closing of my womb" that make logical sense. I can see, when I am being my most objective, how it is wisdom to be all here right now with my three rascals that need all of me now. I can see how, if I had gotten pregnant 9 months ago when we began to try for baby #4, it might not have been the best timing. I an see these things. I may not like them. But I can see. A dear friend who has been carrying my desires to the Lord in prayer these past several months, reminded me of the all-kn