.Perspective.

Oh these men are so precious to me... I look at this picture and see the gifts God has so lavishly blessed me with, and cannot help but be amazed that God would be so kind to me. To have been given a man like Jordan as a husband, friend, leader, and love... there are no words. I am just so grateful. He is my match, he cares for me so well, he is exactly what the Lord knew I needed to face these trials we are currently in, and them man to lead our family back to the Cross time and time again. And when I see my dear sweet little boys, that we have the privilege to raise them, teach them about the gospel, to watch them grow and just enjoy the joy they bring to our lives... they are such gifts to us.



The past few days and nights, I have had several moments where I have been overwhelmed by the lavish care of God. My 30th birthday was a few days ago, and over the course of three days, my family and friends lavished encouragement and care and gifts on me. They have pointed me back to the ways God has been at work in my life, been generous with their time and money, and just gave me time to be alone and relax.... all have proven to be refreshing and oh so special.

I feel like during the past few weeks, I am constantly in need of re-evaluating my perspective. In the middle of the night, when I have gotten up 4 times to either change Jack's diaper or give him more food to eat, I can feel like things are, well, that I am about to fall apart. A few nights ago, I can't even remember what night it was now, Jack was up a LOT. He wakes up during the night due to the steroid he is on- it causes insomnia, mood swings and extreme appetite increase... so basically, the boy eats all day and night. That night, I had been up with him every 20-30 minutes from 2:30-5:30 am. Jordan and I had just put him back to bed, after he had a tear filled 30 minutes or so over us not understanding what he wanted to eat, when finally in the hall outside the boys room, I looked at him and was filled with dread and fear for nights to come... particularly the night when he has to fast from midnight till 9am for a biopsy procedure in a week.

In that moment, Jordan reminded me that we have ZERO grace for that night next week. We were not there yet. He reminded me to grasp hold of the grace that was abundant for us in that moment. And there it was, the grace, waiting for me to take hold and believe in the goodness of God. And so, with faith, I went to bed... again! When I woke up at 7:45 that morning, keeping what Jordan had said in mind, my perspective was one of faith, instead of fear.

But even then, the battle for faith can seem to be not only day by day, but sometimes more like hour by hour or minute by minute. When all three boys are crying at the same time, or I am covered in throw-up, or when we have gotten up for the 4th,5th, and 6th time to care for one of the kids... those are the moments I need a perspective change.

I keep having to go back to the fact that if I am to trust God in the midst of this, I have to embrace the boundaries that are around me, that they are in pleasant places. And those boundaries have me hemmed in very tightly- one day at a time. If I try to push beyond each day, to the unknown future, to the next 3 years of Jack's treatment plan, I am stepping outside the grace the Lord has given to me. I pray I keep him always before me.

Psalm 16
"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."


I recently shared some prayer requests with a friend, who shared it with her small group, and they prayed. And the Lord answered that very night. We do indeed serve a Lord who not only is leaning forward to hear our requests, but is eager to answer and bless. With that in mind, here are some ways you can be praying for us:

- Jack has a sniffle/runny nose (he got from his big brother), so we are praying his body is able to fight it off and it does not grow into a fever or anything more serious that might send us packing back to the hospital.

- Jack has a hard time taking his medications each day, he gets really defiant and angry when we try to give them to him (somewhat understandable as he takes them a lot and is sick of them!), so that he would persevere through all that and he would have grace to take them joyfully!

- for rest for Jordan and I, even though we are not sleeping much, that when we sleep, it would be restoring sleep. Jack is up most of the night asking for food (the steroids he is on make him starving all day and all night)

-Grace for Jordan to accomplish much with his studies while he has much to do at home as well. That his capacity to learn would be increased and to be able to get much done in little time. Grace for his studies and much faith to know when he can stop studying too. (to those who do not know, Jordan is in Pastor's College at Sovereign Grace Ministries- more on that later)

-Patients for me and Jordan to care for the demands of the boys

-We go in for Chemo treatments each Friday, so we always need prayer that those go well.

-Next Friday is the big Bone Marrow Biopsy to see how the treatment is going so far. This will determine a lot for our treatment protocol, so we are praying they find less than 0.1% leukemic cells in that. In addition to that, he has to fast from midnight till the surgery at 9:30, and as you can imagine, since the boy is already eating all night, it is going to be a huge task to keep him sane and not screaming all night and all morning till he has the procedure done. We will need much grace for that!

Thank you friends for your prayers and love and support. We are so grateful for each of you.