.clinging to faith.

friends, read to the end... I promise it is going to be worth it! And don't skip ahead.... 

Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking.” “I will not let you go,” Jacob replied, “unless you bless me.” ...Then he blessed Jacob there. — Gen 32:26,29 NET

Jacob got the victory and the blessing not by wrestling, but by clinging. His limb was out of joint and he could struggle no longer, but he would not let go. Unable to wrestle, he wound his arms around the neck of his mysterious antagonist and hung all his helpless weight upon him, until at last he conquered.

We will not get victory in prayer until we too cease our struggling, giving up our own will and throw our arms about our Father’s neck in clinging faith.

What can puny human strength take by force out of the hand of Omnipotence? Can we wrest blessing by force from God? It is never the violence of willfulness that prevails with God. It is the might of clinging faith, that gets the blessing and the victories. It is not when we press and urge our own will, but when humility and trust unite in saying, “Not my will, but Thine.” We are strong with God only in the degree that self is conquered and is dead. Not by wrestling, but by clinging can we get the blessing. —J. R. Miller

An incident from the prayer life of Charles H. Usher (illustrating “soul-cling” as a hindrance to prevailing prayer): "My little boy was very ill. The doctors held out little hope of his recovery. I had used all the knowledge of prayer which I possessed on his behalf, but he got worse and worse. This went on for several weeks.

“One day I stood watching him as he lay in his cot, and I saw that he could not live long unless he had a turn for the better. I said to God, ’O God, I have given much time in prayer for my boy and he gets no better; I must now leave him to Thee, and I will give myself to prayer for others. If it is Thy will to take him, I choose Thy will—I surrender him entirely to Thee.’

“I called in my dear wife, and told her what I had done. She shed some tears, but handed him over to God. Two days afterwards a man of God came to see us. He had been very interested in our boy Frank, and had been much in prayer for him.

“He said, ’God has given me faith to believe that he will recover—have you faith?’

“I said, ’I have surrendered him to God, but I will go again to God regarding him.’ I did; and in prayer I discovered that I had faith for his recovery. From that time he began to get better. It was the ’soul-cling’ in my prayers which had hindered God answering; and if I had continued to cling and had been unwilling to surrender him, I doubt if my boy would be with me today.

“Child of God! If you want God to answer your prayers, you must be prepared to follow the footsteps of ’our father Abraham,’ even to the Mount of Sacrifice.” (See Rom. 4:12.)

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These difficult and insightful words struck me hard a couple months ago. The one year mark of trying to conceive the next baby had come and gone and I had finally gotten to a place of truly letting go. As painful as has been to surrender my heart cry for another child, it is what I knew the Lord wanted me to do. So I prayed that the Lord would help me to trust in Him. The constant heartache had been lessened. I truly wanted to live in the moment, savoring the good gifts God had already lavishly given me right then.  My desperation dissipated as I let go of my demand of this child.

Another month came and went, new babies were announced and birthed. The sting to my weary heart actually lessened and I was surprisingly and supernaturally filled with peace. So when I read the things above, my head kinda reeled. Was God bringing me to a place of surrender, only to have me come back and place my request before him again? Did faith look different after surrender took place? I wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure I had that new faith to ask again. I wasn't sure I could ask without demanding. I wasn't sure if I could handle hearing no again.

But it became clear that was the very thing God was leading me to do. So I prayed. And Jordan prayed. We asked big things of God, differently than before. With more faith and trust. And then we waited. 

And I rested in a posture of a relinquished will. I accepted that for me, I had had to be brought low, to be broken of the thinking that I knew what was best for me, that my ways were better than God's. You would think after the past three and a half years on the journey of Jack's cancer, my stubborn heart would have picked up that lesson already. But I have a hard head and often a hard heart. And so, out of a place of submission, I asked for His will not mine. I asked that he help me to trust in him for the timing, for the future and for the life of the child I now had renewed faith that He had  planned for us.

It was simple. No pleading. No begging. No demanding. I prayed and I left it in the care of my Father. And he heard my prayer. He always does. Scripture is emphatic that we have  prayer hearing God. That he loves to hear our heart cries.

And once again, I find myself amazed that not only does He hear our weak broken prayers, but he answers them. In His perfect and measured ways. He answers our prayers.