The Night Watches

Its time for a little Jack Update! Little buddy is doing OK. He has a full head of hair again, which has grown back in much more curly than before, and a little different shade of blonde. I miss his hair short, and since it was becoming quite bushy, I gave him a little hair cut yesterday. I think he looks adorable, no matter his hair! He has grown quite a bit too. I think he has gained a couple pounds over the past year and has gotten taller too. Since he got his port put in back in October, he has has not had one fever or infection in his line. This is amazing! Just goes to show that the likely hood of the tube he had before being the culprit for so many infections in the year prior. We have enjoyed many baths and spontaneous activities we were not able to enjoy before, due to the fact that we had to keep his tube dry. Life has become more normal for all of us in a lot of ways that one would normally take for granted! The latest things were are working through are getting his meds to ...

One year ago, while the east coast was buried under 30"+ of snow, Jordan and I found ourselves at Children's National Medical Center, trying to wrap our minds around the news we have been given a few hours prior. Our son had cancer. We sat in our room, trying to figure out how to tell our families, who to call first, what the next steps where, and how to be strong for our scared little boy. It was a blur of emotions and many many conversations with staff, in information overload, emotional overdrive. The way all of this unfolded was just a whirlwind. As I said in the previous post, we had just been snowed in with some friends, during the biggest snow storm we had ever had. Our pediatrician is just amazing. And he knew a second storm was heading our way, and as soon as he could get to his office, he called me to see if we could come in before the second storm hit, just to see how the second antibiotics were affecting Jack. When we got there, what the Dr. saw concerned ...

Today is yet another treatment day at the clinic! We go in once a month for IV Chemo and blood counts. Today is also the start of Jack's monthly 5 days of steroids. The past 3 months, these visits have been harder for Jack than before, because of his new port. He has grown in fear of these visits, each time I tell him we are going to the Dr. he cries. We love the port, as daily life is so much better than when he had his tubie, but the times when it has to be accessed is really scary for him. We put numbing cream on it, so I do not think he is feeling much pain when they put the needle in it. I just think he is scared. Who wouldn't be, when your mommy has to restrain your arms legs, and head and a nurse is coming at you with a giant needle? As soon as the process begins, he starts crying, begging me to stop holding his hands and let go of him. So, as you can imagine, I really do not like these times. So please pray for my little buddy today. We go in at 11 am and hopefully he ...

I have recently been looking back through all my old emails (hundreds), journal entries (which are few) and blog posts (even fewer) of what was happening in our lives 1 year ago. If you didn't know, the one year mark of Jack getting diagnosed with Leukemia is coming in just 7 days. I simply cannot believe it. I think to my self, "How can it possibly be a year...Already." Yet at the same moment, the conflicting thought is "That's all it has been, is only one year??" I have been trying to remember the order of when Jack became sick, and what we were thinking during that time... I found several gchat conversations between Jordan and I, after yet another sleepless night, and crying sick children. It seems at times, as I read those, that I was barely holding on to faith. But now, I can clearly see, that it was the Lord who had a firm grip on me, and my roots were being forced deeper into the soil as trials kept coming to us. The timeline is just crazy to me to l...

Yesterday was one of those days. You know, one of those days where tears seemed to come on their own, unbidden, almost as if out of nowhere. We were in the car driving to Baltimore, to enjoy a family day together at the Maryland Science Center, when it dawned on me that my heart was heavy. As if I was under a cloud. I was just sad. If you know me, heaviness of heart is not something that typically describes me. But it also is certainly something that I have walked through before, and I am sure will feel again. I began telling Jordan that I felt weak in my soul, and then the tears just came. Sometimes the reality that we have no medical guarantee of Jack being cured of his cancer, that there is always a chance that he might relapse, that we will have to go through all this again, that he might need a bone marrow transplant, and there is always the possibility that he might die from this cancer. Sometimes this reality is more than my heart can bear. All of this. The pain, the hurt, the u...

get yourself ready, because this is a long post. complete with loads of pictures too! a little over one month ago, my sweet Jack turned 3. I think I have said this many times over the past year, but one year ago, seems like a very long time ago. Three years ago, well that seems like another lifetime. I know that we are a completely different family than we were when we were waiting for this precious gift to arrive. My easiest pregnancy and delivery, and my most chill baby too. So much like his daddy, in his disposition, to the shape of his eyes, the way he takes things in stride. This time one year ago, he was hardly talking, why talk when Tyler would do such a good job of it for you?! But now, the funny things he says! He was born the day after Thanksgiving, and what thanksgiving we give to the Lord for the precious gift of his sweet life. How can a mother find words to clearly express the impact her child has had on her, even a child of only 3 years. From the beginning,...

Long over due, as usual.... Can you believe we are finished with Delayed Intensification already? The time in Jack's treatment I dreaded most, has come to an end! And even though there was an 8 day hospital stay in the middle of it all, it was better than I thought it would be by far! Jack is such a trooper, and has endured so much. He has been full of energy on most days, which is a joy to us all. When we walked into the clinic last week to start the next round of chemo, the Dr we work with smiled and said, "You did it! You made it through the toughest part! All down hill from here!" Wow, enter an audible sigh of relief! He began his next phase of chemo treatment last Friday, and has another dose of chemo every 10 days until the end of September. This past dose, he came down with some mouth sores and thrush, which are common side effects of the chemo he was given. After a few days, of most foods hurting his mouth, the sore healed up enough that eating was not painful, a...

The happy news to share is that Jack is HOME! Yesterday morning, Jordan called to tell me Jack's ANC went up to 215! Although not officially discharged at the time, we knew they would be coming home. So happy. It took all day, but finally, around 4:30, they left the hospital! We are so grateful to be all together again. Thank you friends for the many many prayers said on our behalf. We surely feel the care and are lifted up by your petitions to our Father, who hears them all. It is humbling to realize the multitude of friends praying for us, and we are just undone by your care for us. And on the topic of homes, I am not sure who out there is reading this blog, and who knows what else is going on in our lives besides Jack... but we are looking to move soon! We have the honor to be a part of a church plant in Arlington VA with our dear friend, Eric and Lisa, Josh and Ali, Phil and Jess, and so many new friends. Jordan will be working as a pastor on staff with the church, and we are s...

On Wednesday afternoon a week ago, Jack started feeling warm to me, and by the time he woke up from his afternoon nap he was just hot. He had a temperature of 101.1, so we knew we were headed into the hospital. Jordan took him in, and ended up in the ER until after midnight. They finally got admitted and into a room around 1 am. Because Jack is not 3 yet, they have a rule that the little ones have to sleep in "Cribs," which look a lot more like cages than anything else. We have faced this every time we are admitted. We have to beg and plead to get Jack a normal sized bed, and by the end of the second day, we got one. Since then, we have been waiting each day to hear what Jack's counts were, since he was fever free and we could give him antibiotics from home, to see if we could go home or not. After the second day, they found he did have a Staph infection, and have been treating him with antibiotics since we got here, but also specific antibiotics to his infection. He seem...