This is Jordan, and I don't normally blog. I leave that to my wife who has better pictures and better thoughts to post. I guess I could if I really tried, but most of it would most likely be worthless anyway.
But I wanted to write to share how God has been working in our family through this time.
I've been keenly aware of two things during these weeks since we found out that our little boy has cancer.
The first happened the day after we found out. Tali and I were both exhausted and still getting the details of how bad his cancer was on that day. I went down to the cafeteria for lunch and I sat by myself trying to collect my thoughts. It was then that it hit me, "I really do trust God!." This may sound obvious, but for me in that moment, it gave me a profound gratefulness in my heart to the Lord. Because growing up in the church, around doctrine and godly men and women all the time, I had learned about the sovereignty of God and I had been inundated with truth about God, but I had never experienced a trial. My life has been incredibly easy. I've actually had the thought before that God must know that my faith is really weak because he has made my life so easy! And so, in the back of my mind, I've wondered how I would really respond if something really serious happened. Would all the things that I've learned go out the window? Is the truth I know just knowledge, or will it actually sustain me?
And so sitting in that cafeteria I realized that my faith is real. Was I sad? Yeah, definitely. Was there grief and wondering what the future would hold? Yep. But I wasn't tempted to doubt that God was in control. Or that he is good. Or that anything that might happen is part of his perfect, righteous, and gracious plan that is being worked out for my good and his glory.
What a comfort to know! James 1 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." I have already seen how this trial is making me and Tali more steadfast in our faith. And as we walk through this, we are encouraged that God is working in us, helping us trust him through our weakness and frailty.
The second thing that I've been affected by is something that my wife has taught me. And it is to see each expression of care from other people as a picture and demonstration of God's extravagant love for us.
We've been overwhelmed by the support and care of so many people during this time. Tali and I both have been reduced to tears many times as people have expressed their concern, prayers, encouragement, heart-felt sorrow, and desire to serve us. All of this has been amazing and incredibly faith building.
But what Tali has reminded me of is to view these things not just as expressions of people's love for us (which they most certainly are), but to see them also as coming from our Sovereign Father who loves us. This has put things in an entirely new light, and made it even easier to trust our God through this. Rather than being aware of all the things we don't know, or the things that might go wrong, we want to spend our time meditating on God's character, and look for the mercies that are being demonstrated every day. Each email that we receive, and prayer that is lifted up for us, each time someone makes us a meal, or we receive encouragement from someone we don't even know, it's as if God is telling us, "you can trust me, look at how good I am!" This has been so encouraging and made us even more amazed at the grace of God and the love of our brothers and sisters in Christ!
Thankfully, even if all we got was bad news and we had no one supporting us, the character of our unchangeable, all-wise God would stay the same. This is ultimately where we're seeking to place our trust and hope. God's ways are not ours. But they are perfectly good.
How kind of God though, and how grateful we are, for the lavish grace he's already showing during this trial. And it's so comforting to know that his mercies are new every single morning!
So that's some of what the Lord is teaching me, and what I'm grateful for.
But I wanted to write to share how God has been working in our family through this time.
I've been keenly aware of two things during these weeks since we found out that our little boy has cancer.
The first happened the day after we found out. Tali and I were both exhausted and still getting the details of how bad his cancer was on that day. I went down to the cafeteria for lunch and I sat by myself trying to collect my thoughts. It was then that it hit me, "I really do trust God!." This may sound obvious, but for me in that moment, it gave me a profound gratefulness in my heart to the Lord. Because growing up in the church, around doctrine and godly men and women all the time, I had learned about the sovereignty of God and I had been inundated with truth about God, but I had never experienced a trial. My life has been incredibly easy. I've actually had the thought before that God must know that my faith is really weak because he has made my life so easy! And so, in the back of my mind, I've wondered how I would really respond if something really serious happened. Would all the things that I've learned go out the window? Is the truth I know just knowledge, or will it actually sustain me?
And so sitting in that cafeteria I realized that my faith is real. Was I sad? Yeah, definitely. Was there grief and wondering what the future would hold? Yep. But I wasn't tempted to doubt that God was in control. Or that he is good. Or that anything that might happen is part of his perfect, righteous, and gracious plan that is being worked out for my good and his glory.
What a comfort to know! James 1 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." I have already seen how this trial is making me and Tali more steadfast in our faith. And as we walk through this, we are encouraged that God is working in us, helping us trust him through our weakness and frailty.
The second thing that I've been affected by is something that my wife has taught me. And it is to see each expression of care from other people as a picture and demonstration of God's extravagant love for us.
We've been overwhelmed by the support and care of so many people during this time. Tali and I both have been reduced to tears many times as people have expressed their concern, prayers, encouragement, heart-felt sorrow, and desire to serve us. All of this has been amazing and incredibly faith building.
But what Tali has reminded me of is to view these things not just as expressions of people's love for us (which they most certainly are), but to see them also as coming from our Sovereign Father who loves us. This has put things in an entirely new light, and made it even easier to trust our God through this. Rather than being aware of all the things we don't know, or the things that might go wrong, we want to spend our time meditating on God's character, and look for the mercies that are being demonstrated every day. Each email that we receive, and prayer that is lifted up for us, each time someone makes us a meal, or we receive encouragement from someone we don't even know, it's as if God is telling us, "you can trust me, look at how good I am!" This has been so encouraging and made us even more amazed at the grace of God and the love of our brothers and sisters in Christ!
Thankfully, even if all we got was bad news and we had no one supporting us, the character of our unchangeable, all-wise God would stay the same. This is ultimately where we're seeking to place our trust and hope. God's ways are not ours. But they are perfectly good.
How kind of God though, and how grateful we are, for the lavish grace he's already showing during this trial. And it's so comforting to know that his mercies are new every single morning!
So that's some of what the Lord is teaching me, and what I'm grateful for.
Comments
Jim Colbert
May God grant you both rest and continued peace.
Praying for you daily.
With love -Amanda
We're praying for your family!
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
When I read your blog post, I had just read this verse and immediately thought of you and your family as you are walking through this trial. Thank you for your example of trusting God.
Linda, for the Malcolms