.Another rough day.

Before I get into how Jack is doing, I must thank you for praying for my boy. Thank you for lifting us up in prayer. Thank you for serving us practically with meals, child care, and many many other numerous ways we have been served. We are so grateful, and humbled that so many would take the time to read about and pray for us. So thank you.

I am not sure how much detail to go into... the last time I updated the blog, just a few nights ago, we were home gearing up for another night caring for our boy. I forget that when I am updating on Facebook, I am not getting to the blog! Tonight, my home is missing two beloved men... Jack and Jordan are sleeping at the hospital. Jack was admitted Friday morning with a fever of 102 and since then, he has only gotten worse.

His ANC has gotten all the way down to 40 this morning, and that is after a blood transfusion. He is pretty much miserable right now and has been for the past two days. He is on codeine to ease is suffering, and he is getting loads of antibiotics as well.

I wish I could say that after being at the hospital for more than 24 hours, that he was doing better, but as of tonight when I left, he was about the same. Which is miserable. He was given a blood transfusion last night which transfusion gave him a much needed bump in the oxygen rich red blood cells, but he is still very weak. The sores in his mouth seem worse than before, and are truly hurting him greatly. They are pretty much all over his tongue and lips and it just hurts him so much. He can hardly eat, even drinking is painful. He has gotten to the point of trembling and sobbing, hiding under his doggie blankets. We are hoping to get him some numbing mouth wash tonight. The nurse might have already gotten it to him, I pray.

They gave him some meds today to adjust the Ph of his urine, so that it is less acidic and hopefully less painful to pee.The main issue with peeing is that he has a large blister/sore on the tip of his urethra and it is agony to pee with that there. He still has not pooped. I have lost track of how many days it has been since his last poop. The results of the xray taken last night were that his bladder is extremely swollen and there is a large mass of poop in his bowels. Peeing seemed to get a little easier for his as the day progressed.

I have to say, that seeing him like this has been agonizing and heart breaking. I want so badly to ease his pain, take the mouth sores away, calm his fears. I do not think I will ever forget the fear and agony on his face as he was desperate to pee last night but terrified of it. It is one of the most difficult things I have had to walk through, watching my baby suffer as he is. We are trusting God, and not blaming him... but it is difficult none the less. Without hesitation, I would gladly take his place. I know he is longing for home right now, and I pray that the Lord comfort him, that he been keenly aware of the presence of God.

Before all of this took place I had been reading on the suffering of Jesus, leading up to his crucifixion, and the sorrow and suffering he experienced. The fact that he was alone in his sorrow in the garden before his arrest, tells me that I would never be alone in my suffering.He knew suffering to greater depths than we could ever endure, and he is compassionate towards us. That he gave himself completely and voluntarily to be beaten and bruised, so that I could be accepted as a child of God, leaves me undone at the lengths he has gone and the love he has shown. He bore my sin, his Father turned his back on him as the weight of my transgressions were put upon him, he gave perfect self-sacrifice, leaves me wearing the perfection of Christ. I know that he weeps with me. I know that he is familiar with my son's suffering, and I know that he is near, very near, even in a hospital room. How glad it makes my heart to know that he his familiar with our grief.

I rest in him, I pray my son knows this peace as well.