quick update

I am exhausted and about to turn in for bed, after a long 30 hours at the hospital with Jack. And though the time there is long, there is no where I would rather spend my time right now. Jordan is at the hospital tonight with little buddy. I am really glad I spent the night with him last night, mainly so Jordan could get some much needed rest. It was also really beneficial to be there as we realized that his pain management needed to be adjusted significantly. By 3 am, we figured out the Jack needed to get IV morphine every two hours. He has been on that since, and as much as I hate to see him so groggy and glazed over, I know that he is not in as much pain as before and sleeping has come a lot easier.

He kept spiking fevers last night and today, which is no good, but his blood cultures keep coming back negative, which is really good. It is hard to not know what is causing all of the fevers and what virus he has. Every time a doctor comes in, I interrogate them if questions, and feel like am I getting a medical education.

This morning was a bit discouraging, as his counts dropped even lower. His ANC went down to 15. There were several moments in the day when fear would creep its way into my thoughts. I had to hold those thoughts at bay, and focus my attention on praying for my boy and caring for his needs. There is no grace for what ifs and the unknown future. Just for the moment I am in, one at a time.

So a big find today though is that his immunoglobulin or antibodies are extremely low. This is a good find, because unlike the virus that they speculate he has that is really untreatable and you have to wait it out... this low antibody can be "fixed" and once that happens, his body should start healing much more quickly. They are giving him a plasma infusion full of antibodies, and so in a few days, we should see some change.

I do think the sores on his lips look a little better today, so even though his counts are low, I am hopeful that today was the low and he is on the up and up. Please pray for his bone marrow to start cranking out the white blood cells. Please pray that that sores he has would dry up and heal and that his pain would be lessened.

Thanks for praying everyone. This has been the most pain he has experienced this entire journey, and it is hard to imagine what families go through when this is a common experience. It makes me grateful that this has been our only experience like this. And as sad as it is to see him glazed over, it is better than seeing him in so much consistent pain.

A friend put this up on her blog the other day, and it has been so helpful to me. Thanks Kelly for posting some truth from Jerry Bridges:

31 For the Lord will not cast off forever,

32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion

according to the abundance of his steadfast love;

33 for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.

Lamentations 3:31-33

God does not willingly bring affliction or grief to us. He does not delight in causing us to experience pain or heartache. He always has a purpose for the grief He brings or allows to come into our lives. Most often we do not know what that purpose is, but it is enough to know that His infinite wisdom and perfect love have determined that particular sorrow is best for us. God never wastes pain. He always uses to accomplish His purpose. And His purpose is for our good and His glory. Therefore, we can trust Him when our hearts are aching or our bodies are racked with pain.
~Jerry Bridges, Trusting God Even When Life Hurts