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Thank you so much for taking the time to visit our family blog. This may be your first visit here, or you may be a friend from across the globe, or family that we have just seen. Who ever you may be, thanks for taking the time to read about our little family, and all we are learning on this adventure the Lord has called us to live! Here you will find, the random thoughts, funny stories, prayer requests, and the journey our family and Jack is on with his battle with Leukemia.

peace in the mists of temptation

As I sat on the couch, my left side of the front of my shirt covered with spit up, my hair pulled back in the remnants of a pony tail, my head stuffed up from a cold, a baby at my breast, and a toddler screaming from his room.... my eyes began to fill with tears. I begin to think, "I cannot do this. I cannot be patient, loving, kind, and carry on today." I am weary.

I began to cry out to God- I had just read Psalm 4- and it helped...but the tears still came. This scene followed the most tempting grocery experience I have had in my life as a mom... two kids, one cart, and temper tantrums.... I started with Tyler pushing his own little cart- bad idea to begin with. The car seat balanced precariously on the handle bars and basket in the front of the cart... that had to change, so I put Tyler in the basket and Jack in the cart... now there is no room for the milk and toilet paper and other things we needed... "How in the world am I going to do this," I ask my self? The tantrums carried on up and down the aisles, shoes kept flying, sippy cups leaked, and food kept being grabbed and almost consumed... I kept telling myself, "Speak kindly, in measured tones..." both to my own heart and the angry toddler in the cart! Thank goodness Jack was sound asleep! I called Jordan, unable to resist the urges to give into my anger... weak, weary and unsure how to proceed without physically injuring someone.

He pointed me back to the fact that Tyler was sin was primarily against God and not me. My high calling was to help him, train him and love him. That helped... We came home, ate lunch, and I put Tyler down for a nap- which he woke up from after 1 hour... not good.

Back to me crying on the couch... I had put Tyler back down, to hear the cries of a hungry Jack... here we began our little story of the day. So the question filled my heart and mind, how do I do this with peace? How can I find peace when all I hear are screams and cries? How do I keep giving of myself...

The answer: I can be still in the middle of a storm, because it is well with my soul. The greatest need and the worst things that could come up against me, are nothing in light of who God is on his throne, and my standing in the righteousness of Christ... oh how that stills my soul. I read in his word, just moments ago, that if I ask, I will receive... I need grace. I need peace. He is kind to quickly fill my heart and give me the grace to choose to love and obey. So, now I go to help my big boy, train him not to give into the his little sinful anger, as I strive to do the very same thing.

God is good to sustain me when I am weak. How kind of him to remind me that I cannot do this on my own! And even now, my heart is filled with compassion for Tyler and a desire to kiss his little sinful face.

2 comments:

Jean said...

you're doing a great job, tali. I know it doesn't seem like it, but this is a short season. you will get to the other side. just don't try to rush it. enjoy the grace of God in the midst of it.

praying for you. :)

Charisa said...

You're post has encouraged my soul. That's what I needed to hear... Christ is in the midst of the storm saying, Peace be still. Even the wind and the waves obey him. He's in the boat with you asking for faith.

Love you and praying for you!